Understanding conflict without losing yourself

Why conflicts often begin inside

Before you react, you interpret. A remark meets your history, old wounds, the need to be seen or safe. What then rises up is rarely just the present situation. It is also everything it touches in you.

Blame, withdrawal or attack

When the inner alarm goes off, automatic patterns often take over: blaming yourself, withdrawing, or attacking before you get hurt. These patterns are understandable attempts at protection. They rarely resolve the conflict, and afterwards the uneasy feeling remains.

Understanding instead of condemning yourself

After an argument, many people hear the harshest voice from within: I did everything wrong. This self-condemnation does not help, it paralyses. More helpful is the calm question: What really happened, what did I feel, what did I need?

Gentle steps

• · Arrive first, then understand. Nothing can be clarified while in alarm.
• · Separate perception from judgement. What was fact, what was interpretation?
• · Name your own need, not just the reproach.
• · Do not hurt yourself further after the conflict.

How the companion “Coping with Conflict” can help you

This is exactly where the companion comes in: you take apart a concrete conflict situation, separate perception from judgement and find your way back to what you really need. You can try the first four chapters for free, in your own tempo. During the build-up phase all chapters are free.