Understanding emotional self-regulation

What self-regulation means

Emotional self-regulation is not about pushing feelings away or “staying calm” no matter what happens. It means the capacity to feel a feeling without being overwhelmed by it, and to find your way back into a state in which you can think and choose. Regulated does not mean unfeeling. It means: you are there, and the feeling is there too, but it does not steer you all on its own.

Why feelings sometimes overwhelm us

When a situation touches an old pain, it is often not the grown-up person in you who reacts, but a younger part who once had to protect itself. Then the reaction is bigger than the occasion. This is closely tied to inner patterns and attachment wounds. Recognising the trigger creates the first small gap between stimulus and reaction.

Finding your way back to yourself in the storm

In the moment of greatest tension nothing can be resolved, and that holds true in conflicts too. First it is about calming the body: breathing more slowly, feeling your feet, a moment’s pause. Only when the alarm subsides can you listen, understand and decide again. Regulation comes before insight, not the other way round.

Gentle steps

• · Notice it early. Which bodily signs announce that it is becoming too much?
• · The body first. Breathe, feel the ground, take the pace out, before you speak.
• · Name the feeling, instead of fighting it. “There is fear” regulates more than “pull yourself together”.
• · Do not condemn yourself afterwards, if it does not work yet. Regulation is practice, not a switch.

How Schema-B can help you with this

This is exactly where Schema-B comes in: you work your way towards your calm, wise core, which senses what is coming up right now and can tell the difference between now and back then. You can try the first four chapters for free, in your own tempo. During the build-up phase all chapters are free. You will find an overview of all topics under topics of Die innere Logik.